My name is SJ, I'm from West Yorkshire.
I'm learning to love myself all over again.
Tonight, after drinking a lot of spirits, I decided that I would go see R. I had things I needed to say to her that I couldn’t say over a text or the phone. So, as she was out in town, I decided to get the quarter to midnight bus and see her. I didn’t tell her I was coming, I just did it. I missed the bus and had only £2 and my card with me so I called a taxi and got picked up, frantically got him to drive to a cash machine and get money then got him to rush to the bar where she was. It’s usually around midnight when people in that bar move on to another club so I was petrified I’d missed her. The taxi cost me a fortune and I just jumped out in town and ran up to the bar. I called her and asked her to come outside. I asked her to hold my hands, looked her straight in the eyes and said what I need to say, told her how much I missed her and how I love her. She cried and said things I’d really needed to hear, but then said she couldn’t leave her friend and I said I would leave. I’d only been there around 10 minutes. She cried again and hugged me really tightly. We kissed. I then told her to go back to her friends and enjoy the rest of her night, saying I would be home if she needed me. I then called a taxi home. I’ve just spent the last two hours telling my housemate how much she means to me and that it was well worth £20 just to spend those few minutes with her. I need to look into her eyes and say those words. I’ve never been one for romantic gestures and silly things like that but I had to do it for her. She more than likely won’t remember this in the morning, but it put my mind at rest knowing that I had told her I love her and I wouldn’t regret not doing anything. That girl really is everything to me. She said she loves me too and that’s all I needed to hear. If she comes back to me, I will be the luckiest person in the world. I faced my fear of walking alone in the dark, being alone late at night in town, just to say those words to her and I would do it over and over again. I love her. More than she will ever know.